Two funerals in two weeks...

Well, today as you may gather, I went to my second funeral in two weeks, this time it was for an older woman who I briefly visit-taught and I was asked to play the flute for a special musical number. It doesn't matter why you are at a funeral, it is just a very emotional thing. When I got home I told Erick that I knew I still had a lot that I needed to do housework-wise, but that I felt I had been working all day because I was so emotionally drained. The funeral was actually beautiful, the speakers all were wonderful and it was a very spiritual experience. I sat up on the stand and could see out into the audience and the thing that really struck me was that the people who were crying the most were the oldest people there. People that were in their late 70's and on into their 80's. Not to be too assuming, but I imagine it's emotional when a life-long friend passes away, and just knowing that one day, it will be you there. Or it could have been something else entirely.

I couldn't help but think about the other funeral I attended, the one for sweet sister Simms who taught my Sunday school class growing up, and died far too early. I just thought about so many things. The thing that touched me from these two funerals of wonderful mothers was how much they were truly loved by their children. They never mentioned any big thing that their mom's did for them, it was the little things like going out for breakfast or patiently listening that were important to these children. It was the unconditional love that made each child feel special and beloved that made the difference. What a good example for me, someone who is still at the beginning stages of parenting.

I also wondered if those people who die really do still watch after us. I haven't suffered too many close losses yet, but I always think about my Aunt Alta who died when I was 17. She was strongly single and busy as a bee until she died at 97 years old. She drove her car until she was 96 (I think). I've heard how she was stubborn and strong-willed (which might have had something to do with her single status), but that just made her better in my eyes as a child. When she would visit we would always do a whirlwind of activities that always included shopping, movies, ice cream and more, all at her suggestion and expense. I just remember we always had so much fun with this 90 year old lady. I remember her kindness and feeling that feeling that she loved me no matter what. That's probably why I still have a hard time talking about her without crying even 10 years later. The one special moment that I always remember was when I was probably 14 or so. We were visiting at her house in Utah, and I was stretched out on a couch reading a book. She turned on a lamp so I could see better and then I sat up so she could sit down, and she sat down and told me to put my legs right back up where they were before. So I put my legs up on her lap and she rested her arms on them. I don't know about you, but when I was 14 I don't remember that many people going out of their way to be kind to me. The world is a tough place with lots of expectations for teenagers, but she did not have any expectations. She joyed in just being with me and the other kids. I could feel this joy, and it just felt so good. And now, as an adult, on a few distinct nights that have been hard ones, the ones where Erick's at a late meeting, or out of town, where I've been at the low-end of self-esteem and so tired, likely due to a fussy newborn or who knows what, right when I crawl into bed by myself I swear I can feel her saying to just put my feet up in her lap. I can feel her there just loving me. And it helps.

So after I thought of all of this, I then had to get up and play the flute, which I was not too excited about at this point, but I did it, and honestly, it's the best I've played in years.