Okay, by now if you have at least two kids (not necessarily if you only have one, because they may be a perfect kid, but I am convinced that no one has two amazingly gifted in a row)--you have had to deal with the one-up-manship between moms. "Oh, so and so was walking at six months, and your's is how old and not walking yet?" Or "I had junior potty trained at eighteen months and yours is three!!" or how about " I don't know, I guess he just does what I tell him to and he listens, you just need to be more firm..." and on and on and on. I have to say, sometimes I've been lucky enough to have the kid that is "good enough" but a lot of times I have felt like I'm the parent who is at the wrong end of the comparison. I think we all have been on both sides. How do you handle it when other mom's compare your kids to their kids or when they compare your parenting style to theirs (emphasizing how your way is the WRONG way)?
To be a little more specific, would you talk to the person face to face, ignore it, or handle it differently? And honestly, I have been guilty of comparing too. I try not too--but when you've been the one who's has the crazy kid and you finally start having some good behavior luck come your way, sometimes it's easy to bask a little! (thanks to Cecelia for the idea).
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I will get us started on this one I guess. I have been honing my skills as to how to handle parents that think they know exactly what I'm doing wrong because I have from time to time had a flat out crazy kid. Fortunately he has been calming down A LOT in the last few months and we are beginning to be perceived as normal (maybe). Of course we still have the occasional Wal Mart tantrum or pretty much every Sunday when I feel like having a good cry after Sacrament meeting after trying to control my kids all by myself.
Anyways, back to the main point. Mostly what I do when people tell me how they think I should parent I tell them they are right and that I'll try whatever it is that they suggest. Then I just don't do it. But when it comes to comparisons to another child, I just kind of nod my head and mention something that my kid can actually do. Or I just nod my head and change the subject. I'm kind of a wimp. But if I were in a situation like Cecelia mentioned where it was a family member and it was constant comparison and almost to the point of insulting, I think I might tell the other person that I am really doing the best I can, and that my husband and I in council with the Lord are parenting the way we think we should. And that sometimes when people make comments about my children they might not realize that we really are trying and disciplining so LAY OFF!
Usually when you through in prayer and council people get the idea. But maybe (Cecelia's) the family member just does not understand that she is being kind of rude, and you can gently point it out. I don't know, it's worth a shot!
I don't have children, but I think it can apply to situations like, Oh you're not married yet? You're still in school? etc. And I have worked with kids who develop at different times...If I were you I would congratulate the person on their childs achievement and leave it at that. But if they compare your kid to theirs remind them that each spirit is different and each child develops differently...then tell them to mind their own biznaz! Just a thought from the outside. I'm sure it's frustrating though...
I don't think she even realizes that she's being rude. But that doesn't mean you don't say something to her.
Just say to her exactly what she's implying: "I know. I'm a bad mom." Or maybe "I know. My kid's dumb." That might make her realize what she sounds like. And it'd be freakin hilarious.
That would be pretty funny Kat. This is a hard situation to handle, and it happens to everyone...married, kids, or not. I guess I kind of wimp out in these situations, I do think that people don't realize they are doing it a lot of the time though. But, what I try to do is congratulate that parent on their child and then change the subject. It's especially hard when it is someone within your family...even harder when it is Parents/In-Laws doing it!
We're not perfect, and it is human nature to compare one another. And to boast about your children. Don't we even compare our own chilren? (I try not to, but it just happens!) I just try to be the best mom I can be, and teach my children to be the best that they can be, that is all we can do right?
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