INITIATE RANT HERE:

Don't ask me why, but I am so ticked tonight. It is for a very silly reason, but it doesn't change the way I feel. Here goes: Bryant (SIX YEARS OLD) is NOT allowed on my computer for any reason whatsoever EVER. Even though every now and again, I do allow him a small bit of time to somewhat relieve his addictive self and play computer, but it is very rare. I can't be mean all the time right? But I constantly catch him oh, just "checking the time" "checking the weather" "checking the school lunch calendar" "changing the pandora station" and my favorite, playing music on the media player. Even though, every single day, I tell him that even just "checking" things is not allowed because somehow these things wind up messing up my computer or changing settings that I have no idea how to change.

And today was no exception. I heard signing time music streaming through the computer, which he is not allowed to do which he did anyways, which should not even require the internet, and yet somehow when I sit down to check my stuff after putting the kids down to bed, I open up google chrome to a completely blank home page where all of my favorite tabs should be. Big deal right? Well, it should not be a big deal. Except that it is. I LIKE my favorite tabs. It annoys me that they are now gone, and I have absolutely no idea how to bring them back. It is frustrating. And I know that I am not really THAT frustrated about this, that this is only a small problem that is just symptomatic of a much larger problem, but it is literally making me feel crazy tonight.

So what are the real problems here that are really bothering me? Well, there's at least ten of them to be honest. For starters, as a person that inherently does not like change, I have really learned to roll with the punches over the last several years. You don't really have a choice when you decide to have lots of kids...if you want to be happy, you learn to deal with change, and be optimistic and all that. You learn to be patient and to wait for good things to happen, and they do. But somewhere, inside, I like to just have a couple of things that I don't have to change. For example...I like Sam's club. I am not a big Costco fan. I don't care that everybody and their cat LOVES costco, I just like sams. I don't have to change that. I can shop at Sams club forever and never have to change. I think that's AWESOME. I feel the same way about my little google chrome tabs. I really liked that they were my favorites. I know this is so silly as I am typing it, but it still doesn't change that I am so bummed about Bryant somehow deleting everything. I am even chuckling to myself as I am writing this ridiculous post, but it is still the truth. I bet some of you think I need real problems. I actually pride myself in being able to deal quite well with the real problems in life, but I think part of that is because I hold onto these tiny little bits of myself that I feel like I can just leave the same, and when someone messes with them, especially when I am pregnant and had to miss book club, I get ticked off.

In my current situation, I am literally almost never alone. In fact, a lot of the day features someone climbing on me. Any time I sit down, that is a signal for someone to ask me for something. Most of the times when I make dinner there is at least one comment about how gross it is. You have to be pretty tough to make it in this world. I still also have sooooo many aspirations for other factions in my life, but right now, this is the path I have chosen, and this is what I want to be doing. But gal-darn-it I WANT MY @*#&$^& tabs where I %#!*@ left them!

Also, there is currently a crippling fear floating around my brain that having this 4th baby will be too hard, and that my summer is going to be miserable and depressing. I think that kind of puts a damper on things too. I love to flourish and create, and live life to my interpretation of it's fullest potential. I can't do that right now because I am pregnant, and I'm okay with that. This pregnancy I am actually doing pretty fabulously mentally-speaking, and I have a really good feeling about the remainder of my nine months, even though I generally do not enjoy being pregnant. But when the baby is born, I just really don't know what to expect, except that I'll be super tired, and I absolutely hate being tired. I guess in the end I just fear the unknown.

As I'm typing this (I'm totally analyzing myself), I'm realizing that I'm simply coming from a place of fear. I also hate fear. I know we're on this earth to face challenges, to suffer, but also more than anything to experience joy. When I was trying to decide if I should have another baby, I realized that my pregnancy though hard, painful, and uncomfortable, could be a joyful experience, and this new attitude which I did not have with my previous pregnancies has led me to be able to be a happy pregnant person. When I realized that pregnancy did not have to be super-horrible and that I could be happy, the decision was pretty easy, and we are having #4. And for some reason, that simple realization on my part has set a very positive tone for this time around which I can also see reverberating through the rest of my family and especially my spouse! So, I guess it is about time, I decide to be a happy new, tired mom, and realize that maybe it will be possible for me to be happy when the new baby comes. I'll tell you when I get there.

PS. Did you like my little self-exploration there?

Update

I just wanted to do a quick facebook status update, but then I realized I had too much to say, so I came back to my trusty blog. It's about time for a new post anyway. So we had a great Thanksgiving with Greg, his wife Heather, Rex and new baby Alice, along with my mom and dad. Unfortunately, I felt like a bum because I was not feeling well, and teetered between being so tired I wanted to take a three hour nap, and feeling nauseated, so I don't think I was a very good guest. I'm hoping to make up for my Thanksgiving performance with a hosting a very lovely Christmas. We'll see how that goes. So here's the rundown of cute/random stuff going on 'round here:

Me-if you don't already know, yes I am expecting our 4th child. If you want to know...when you are pregnant with your fourth, at least 20 people will ask you if it was an accident. Maybe more. No, it was not an accident. We have our reasons. And any person that thinks that the more children you have, the less attention they get has obviously never been a part of a big family, or their big family was lame. Last night Erick and I were discussing that Cash is literally ALWAYS playing with someone. He gets attention literally all day. If he's not helping Daddy outside, he's helping mom cook in the kitchen, and if he's not helping mom, he's wrestling Cora (which is their favorite thing to do), or throwing a ball with Bryant. There is 24/7 interaction going on around here! So I'm not worried about having enough time for this next little one, I'm more worried about making it through the next 6 months without dying of hating being pregnant, or being buried under a huge pile of laundry.

-Erick-amazing as always. Anecdote time: Erick forgot to tell me we were having the missionaries for dinner and I found out in Sacrament meeting when Bryant looked at the program and saw that it was our night. Erick also planned all of his home teaching for tonight, and said it would be fine. I took the lazy person's way out and threw some potatoes in the oven, made a blue cheese wedge salad (seriously, they are my FAVORITE thing right now), and thanked heavens that I had a random box of jello no-bake cheescake, and quickly made that too. While we're all setting the table, setting out toppings for the potatoes and such, and straightening up the house Erick decides that he would like to make something for his four familes (three inactive). So he proceeds to whip out some pretzel rods, almond bark, and sprinkles and make the loveliest chocolate-dipped pretzel rods, then wraps them very artistically in parchment paper and Christmas ribbon all in about TEN minutes. The missionaries come, eat, and then he's off with his pretzels. I wish I were as good of a visiting teacher as he is a home teacher!

-Bryant- Is SO EXCITED about Christmas! We decorated the inside of the house the day after Thanksgiving, and I surprised Bryant and Cora with their own little pre-decorated Christmas trees (they are only about 8" tall or so) that I bought last year the day after Christmas on clearance. The trees may be small, but they did the trick, Bryant and Cora were soooo excited to have a tree of their very own. We also let them each have a strand of lights for their room, and Bryant also snagged a strand of garland and strung that along with the lights around his bed. He also has his own countdown to Christmas sign where he can write how many days are left till Christmas each day. Erick caught him trying to tack a nail to his door so he could hang a "welcome" sign, but we had to draw the line somewhere. And tomorrow, Bryant is taking his little tree to school to show it off. I asked him if his teacher is okay with stuff, and he said "maybe...probably...sometimes." We'll see. Also, Bryant has been making his own lunch, which has been wonderful. It's nice to not have to worry about that anymore!

-Cora-Has enjoyed cooking in her kitchen for me lately. I will sit on the couch while she makes various things like grape smoothies, omelets, pizzas, and cake, and all I have to do is pretend to eat it, and she's happy. She likes to keep a well-stocked kitchen supplied with cups, bowls, and several utensils she borrows from my kitchen. She talks just about every minute she is awake and often makes herself laugh. Most times, I can't even get a word in edge-wise, all I have time to do is nod my head. I think it's so funny that she likes me to sit, and watch, and she's happy. If I accidentally wander away, because I think she's playing just fine without me, she'll come get me. It's nice to know the small part you play in someone's life is an important one. Right now she is really developing her own style, opinions, and personality, and a lot of times she is pretty independent, and mostly is off in adventureland using her amazing imagination. So I like it when she wants me around.

-Cash-HAH, what can you say about Cash? He is simply the apple of everyone's eye around here. The last few days he has decided that he really likes kissing me. And about every five minutes (literally!) he will stop whatever he is doing, climb up into my lap, and plant a big one, right on the lips. I've tried to give him my cheek, but he will persist until I give him a big kiss on the lips! He is the first one to be so into kissing. It's pretty funny, cute, but sometimes a little gross. His obsession with "doggies" is ever-growing. He saw a dog on TV and just ran up to it barking, and wouldn't stop until the dog was off the screen. He loves all of the neighborhood dogs, and any time he hears a bark he says "DOGGY!" and proceeds to bark. We now call the neighbor's dog Cash's dog, because he goes outside so much to peek through the fence at him (and heaven knows the neighbors never pay any attention at all to the poor thing). My friend gave me some fleece material covered in adorable puppies, and I don't think Cash is going to let me hem the edges because he hasn't put it down since we got it today. He's sleeping with it right now. I'd say the chances of us eventually ending up with a dog are rising...rising! Even though I would never consider getting one until our youngest is in kindergarten, we'll see if the obsession continues!

-So there is my little status update. Hope you enjoyed it.

Cashinator

Why do I want to write about this little guy? I don't know. I just feel like it I guess. He's just changing soooo fast. My world is so different today than it was even a month ago. He was little Mr. cuddly for a whole year, and now....well, if he wrote me a letter, it would go a little like this.

Mom,

I just want you to know that I think you're great. I do. But, there's going to be a few changes from here-on out. You know how you like to hold and cuddle me? Well, now that I can walk WITH PROFICIENCY, that is no longer necessary. I no longer need any help with ANYTHING...EVER. Even though I am not even 15 months old yet, I would now prefer to walk in the grocery store instead of ride in the cart. At home, I will climb and descend the stairs at will. I will feed myself, PERIOD. When you futilely try to change my diaper, I will scream my head off and try with every ounce of my twenty pounds (which is actually quite strong if I do say so myself) to wriggle out of your control, and if I can, I will throw my dirty diaper at your face. I will also try to smack you in the face and laugh at it. Even though you are no longer allowed to assist me with anything anymore I would still like you to linger around in my presence enjoying all of the fancy things I have learned how to do. If you so much as attempt to sit down at the computer, open a book, talk on the phone, or walk into another room for any purpose, I will scream at you and come cry and try to climb in your lap until you come back and sit on the floor (definitely not allowed on the couch) and watch me do whatever it is I was doing. I want to make sure you see all of the adorable faces I make and hear my adorable laugh (one of my more redeeming qualities).

The only exceptions to these rules are if I am REALLY tired and am at church, you are then allowed to stand and rock me (sitting is not allowed in this type of situation), and if I am sick. If and when I am sick, I will cut you a break and allow you to change my diaper and rock me as much as possible, as I do not have the strength to do anything else. That is all.

Love, Cash

Ummmmm, that would be it! I'm hoping this might be a phase, but I have been through it all before. This "phase" lasted until Bryant was 3 and a half, gosh, maybe even four. I remember wistfully looking at the mom's in Target who's young children would simply walk next to them as they walked down an aisle. I had to ban Bryant from Wal mart for nearly a year. I wasn't even able to enter a library with him until he was 3, and we left in a tantrum. I don't want to have to do all that again, but I may. The funny thing is, is that Cash and Bryant have such different personalities, but somehow, they are both fiercely independent, and for some reason, they seem to be acting quite similarly (if you compare them at the same age). Luckily, along with the wiggles, and desire to be completely independent before the age of two, they have plenty of wonderful things that I love (like being adorable charmers), and honestly, I do love a good sense of independence, and I know it is a wonderful quality to have as an adult, it just sometimes make for a difficult road for the parent!

Even now, Bryant is a very demanding child, and will test me to my very limit, but he is SOOOO endearing. In his heart he is the very biggest momma's boy, and that is what keeps me wrapped around his little finger. It's almost like we have an understanding. He breaks some rule, I'll give him a consequence, and we always part as friends. He never gets mad at me for imparting a punishment, which is nice, because he does tend to break a lot of rules, and therefore gets a lot of consequences, so the fact that he doesn't think of me as a "mean mom" is nice. He just is usually willing to take the punishment. That's why I'm always tweaking my consequences and rewards to see what will motivate him...anyway, back to Cash. I'm not that certain of his being a mamma's boy yet, but luckily, he is very loving and so happy to be a part of our family, he is just trying to be an individual and figure out what he wants to do. So for now, I will continue trying to accommodate this tiny one-year old with a larger than life personality.

Running a business....

So I know everyone knows I'm doing a window cleaning business with Travis my future brother in law. It's going just dandy. But here's the thing. Travis leaves in a mere three weeks, or maybe it's even two weeks, either way, it's soon. I have been really going back and forth over whether I should keep it going, or just close up shop when he leaves and gets married. Erick some how has convinced me that I should just keep it going, and that it's "good for me" to run a business. I'll admit, most of the time I don't mind it. Most of the time it hasn't been a big deal. The time I put into it kind of comes in spurts. Like having to go set up the bank account or go make it legal at the court house. It hasn't made me any less of a mother to my kids, in fact, if I become profitable, it could allow us a few more luxuries like more lessons/sports, etc. But I guess what it comes down to is that every one (or at least everyone I know) has some degree of free time to do with what they please. Some people watch TV, some people blog, some people, crochet, some people play on facebook, some people read, and some people apparently run window cleaning businesses. I actually enjoy all of the above.

Either way, Erick told me a few tips and today I find myself with a sales team of three eager young men, who are ready to sell for me, and I've already made a power point presentation and planned our first sales meeting. All of this I did after all the kids were in bed, and we're still going to the water park tomorrow. The next couple of weeks will be very telling. Here's hoping I can maintain the balance, and somehow turn this thing into a way to provide some young men in our area who really need work, and also benefit my self and my family. Fun hobby huh?

What I do when I'm in a hurry!

I've had fun having Emma and her fiance, Travis stay with us while Travis rotates between working as a sub on Erick's crew and washing windows. I've tried to make easy meals that can feed all seven of us and feed us cheap! I've also tried to make meals that Emma and Travis will be able to make easily after they are married. Emma said I should write them down for her, so I thought it would be a good blog post. So here are some of my favorite EASY meals to make. I do enjoy cooking all types of food, some of my favorites are more involved, but these are some easy ones! And when I say easy, I mean easy. I don't mean the recipe that says it's a 30 minute recipe and then it takes an hour. I mean these things are seriously easy and cheap to make. And can get you out of trouble if it's 5:30 and you haven't come close to starting dinner! Also, there is one thing I will NOT do any more. I rarely ever use short cuts like "cream of whatever" soup. I probably use less than four cans of that kind of stuff a year. I stopped using it when Cora was diagnosed with her soy allergy, and now I almost never use them. There are a few recipes that I feel like taste really great using those, but they are the exception. I also think they generally are just not very good for us, and that you can make fast, delicious meals using stuff that isn't so....canned. Most of the recipes started out as something more complicated and I simplified them into something easy to make. So here you go:

Veggie Stir Fry:

1 onion

1-2 Green Peppers

1 8 oz container mushrooms

water

italian dressing

Basically, you just cut the onion and bell pepper into strips and if the mushrooms are not already sliced, you slice them. You can then add a little seasoning salt over the top of the veggies, and then I just stir fry them in the water and then pour a little of the italian dressing over top for flavor and stir fry them until they are crisp and seared on the edges. I serve it over hot rice and it's delicious!

Kitchen Sink potatoes:

Any kind of potatoes (enough to feed your family or fit on a 10x15 cookie sheet)

Any leftover cheeses you have ( a lot of times if I have just a little of a lot of different cheeses left, I just use all of them)

butter (you decide how much)

salt

garlic powder

italian seasoning

Peel them or not, your choice. Then either slice them with a food processor or by hand, just get them thin. Spray your cookie sheet with pam. Preheat oven to 400. Put potatoes in a bowl and mix in your desired amount of melted butter (you can also try olive oil. I have, but I just like the butter better). Sprinkle in some seasoning salt, or plain salt, olive oil, and italian seasoning and mix it up until all of the potatoes are covered. I have found that when you smell a faint aroma of garlic you know that it is seasoned the proper amount. Then you spread the potatoes in a single layer (or as close as you can get) on your cookie sheet. Bake for 15 minutes. Take out and stir, then sprinkle your various cheeses (our favorites are feta, cheddar, and Parmesan) over the top. Bake until the potatoes are thoroughly cooked. I usually serve these with other veggies or a salad.

Road Kill

hamburger patties

mushrooms

onions

cheese

hot cooked rice

This was served at the restaurant I used to waitress at. You cook the hamburger. You sautee the onions and mushrooms. Place patty on a bed of rice then top with mushrooms, onions and cheese. Melt the cheese over top with a microwave if it doesn't melt on it's own. It's actually pretty tasty.

Beans and Rice

Black Beans

Rice

Can of tomatoes (or fresh)

garlic

cumin

chicken broth paste

For this recipe I put my rice in the rice cooker and then I add a little garlic (minced or powder), cumin and some bulion cubes or the bulion paste (the paste actually does not really dissolve very well for some reason, so if you use it you have to stir it half way through). When the rice is finished I like to add a little lemon juice and if you have any orange or apricot jam or marmelade I like to add a couple of tablespoons of that as well along with some chopped cilantro.

For the beans you need enough cooked black beans to serve your family. For ours it's about three or four cups. You add a can of tomatoes or two cups chopped up fresh. I add cumin, garlic, and some broth paste. warm it up, simmer it, and it'll be done before the rice! Top with cilantro. I like to serve this meal with salad.

Rosemary Chicken

Enough pieces of chicken for your family

enough potatoes for your family (I like to cut them in the shape of french fries)

Olive oil

garlic

rosemary

salt

You peel your potatoes or not and then cut them into chunks and then put them in a large bowl with your chicken. Pour olive oil over top. It's probably around three or four tablespoons. Add garlic, some dried rosemary and salt. To tell if you've added the right amount you should be able to smell your spices (just a hint, not overwhelming). Then spread on a cookie sheet and bake in your oven at 400 for 20 minutes or until done.

That's all for now!

Well, I blew it!

I did not meet my goal of posting every day for 30 days. I have a sneaking suscpision that my sister was able to only because she does not currently have three kids, a house to take care of, guests (which sometimes includes herself), a baby who decided to start waking up at midnight every night for a bottle because his ear infection has likely not healed, and a new business to worry about (which I have actually stopped worrying about as of yesterday).

Any who, we had a good week. My house kind of looks like a tornado of coupons has passed through it, because it's been triples week at Harris Teeter, so I've been cutting coupons, searching for coupons, and shopping every day because I can save so much money and get so much stuff so it's actually worth my time. On a normal week I only spend about an hour working on coupon stuff, but this week it's probably been about an hour or a little more per day, but I'm able to buy things our family needs for next to nothing soI put the time in to reap the benefits. And I do multi task like crazy. Last night Erick worked on setting up some new office equipment while I searched online for coupons stuff and we talked and had an enjoyable time, so the time spent on it is not always time that is spent exclusively on finding/cutting coupons.
Today I came home with:
-2 packages of hot dogs
-2 frozen pizzas
-6 individual frozen entrees (Erick likes to have things that are immediately available and that require no imagination for lunch or he just goes and buys fast food, so I always load up when possible)
-1 non frozen entree
-3 packages of rice
-2 bottles salad dressing
-2 boxes ritz crackerfuls
-3 seasoning sat
-2 packages turkey bacon

All for $4.00.
Pretty good. I only did buy 23 items though because they limit you to 20 tripled coupons, and I've already gotten all the good deals that did not require coupons on previous days this week, but I still feel like it was worth my time because we will use every single thing I bought! Anyways, sometimes it's fun to brag a little I guess. I will be glad when the sale is over though because I'm kinda tired of coupons!

The Little Match Girl

The Little Match Girl is a book that one usually relates to winter and Christmas time. But Bryant was reading it on Sunday and it made me want to write something about it. This book was written long ago by Hans Christian Anderson and we have a lovely copy with beautiful artwork. I am not "in to" art, but I love this book and all of the artwork in it. Most people probably think of it as a sad a depressing book. Try to read it out loud without crying (impossible--just ask Emma). Alas, I love this book. I'll tell you why. In the book, a young girl who lives in poverty tries to sell matches to help with the family income. No one is buying and she cannot go home because she will be beaten for not selling them. She becomes so cold that she goes into a corner and strikes a match. She then has grand dreams of food, warmth, and the one person who has ever been kind to her, her late grandmother. Eventually, she strikes all of the matches because she does not want her vision of her grandmother to fade, and her grandmother comes and takes her to heaven leaving her frozen, tiny body behind.

This was published in 1845, and I think it is such a sensitive, loving, real look at poverty. I like it because it says that there is hope. There is so much poverty. Not as much in the US, but all around the world people die all the time because of poor living conditions, sickness, disease, malnutrition, and many reasons. How can we comprehend the meaning of it all? How is this possible? How is it fair? How do we make sense of it? What gives these little lives meaning? I think the story answers these questions by saying that even though this sweet little child only knew cruelty, cold, and misery, she would be saved and taken to heaven in the end, and encircled in the arms of love. I believe this as well. There is another life to heal these pour little ones that have to suffer while here on earth.

Another thing that is of interest in the book is that people only pay attention to her after she is dead. They discover her body and act like it shouldn't have happened, but surely these are the same people that passed her by when she was selling the matches without a second thought. I think their neglect is a reflection of how we do neglect suffering and pretend that it isn't happening until we can't ignore it and then tsk-tsk the fact that happened. It is a caution to us to watch for those in need, and take them seriously.

I've never tried to shield my children from the fact that death, poverty and suffering are a part of life. They comprehend it at a very basic level. When Bryant finished reading the book he was surprised that the little girl died, and he didn't say anything else about it. Cora also likes the book, and I've explained a simple version of what I've written here to her. I also let them watch the news with me (which I only watch on occasion) and they ask questions, and we just tell them that there are lots of good and bad things that happen. There are wars, tornadoes and everything in between. Life just happens, but we teach them that they can choose how they react to what happens to them, and that they need to have a relationship with God so that they can make good decisions and be guided as to what they need to do. And that most importantly, they don't need to fear. Good or bad, they seem to be compassionate and accepting of all kinds of people. It will be interesting to see how the future unfolds.