So this week we'll focus on the dads. What is your husbands role in taking care of the kids? What should his role be? Does he do enough? Does he do too much? Let's talk about it...
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Let's Discuss
Originally this blog was where my friends and I discussed fun questions, but now that I've run out of great questions, and there are people that want to know what's going on in our lives, I will be doing normal family post stuff. I will still have fun questions every now and then though.
11 comments:
WHAT A DARLING PICTURE OF YOUR HUBBY AND BABY! I LOVE IT!
Eh... I'm not sure if we have set roles regarding the kids in my house. I do everything unless I'm too busy or my nerves are fried for the day. He'll change diapers and make bottles, sometimes get the kids dressed or take them to run an errand (usually to his mom's house) but that's really all I can think of. It helps, but it doesn't really feel equal, but his thought on the matter is that I'm the mom, I stay at home, so it's my job. :(
I think a lot of husbands feel that way krissy. In our home Erick it is well understood that I am not a morning person. So Erick always gets up with Bryant--gets him a sippy cup and a baggie of cereal and either starts Bryant on curious george or a computer game. I then wake up and fix Bryant a normal breakfast. Erick pretty much helps on an "as needed" basis. But we both know that parenting is my stewardship so I'm pretty much the one that makes the decisions about how we discipline, even though I would have to say that Erick is the stricter of the two of us. I think the only time I feel Erick has been lacking in the parenting department is when Cora was a newborn. I just don't think husbands understand the stress, emotions, and change of having a new baby. He did the best he could though, bless his heart.
Zach and I have a pretty good system worked out most of the time. He's pretty aware that I'm taking care of Quinn all day, and up with him at night if needed, so when he comes home from work he knows it's his turn. I do try to give him a few minutes to chill right when he gets home, but other than that he's on Quinn duty while I cook and everything. And Quinn loves his Papa Time so Zach can't really avoid it. Then after dinner we have a trade off - Dishes or Bath? One does the dishes while the other either bathes Quinn or plays with him and gets him ready for bed. It's awesome. That way once I lay Quinn down, Zach and I just have our time together and the house is clean. And then on weekends the two of them play like crazy. I feel pretty lucky that Zach wants to have Quinn with him whenever he has the chance. There are rare occations where he's too tired or busy to "take his turn" when I have to cover for him, but most of the time we have a pretty good split. We try to be aware of each other's needs and work together.
Like Maurine said - a lot of husbands see it as the woman's job. But what they don't understand is that if that's her job, then when is her vacation?! There have certainly been times when I want to scream "When do I get to come home from work?!!?!?" But, that wouldn't really make him want to help out would it? I think what helps husbands want to be more helpful is to show them how much fun taking care of the kids can be, enjoying the kids together, and not telling him what to do all of the time. He wants to feel like the Dad, not the babysitter. And he's not going to want to be with the kids if when he comes home all you do is complain about them.
But, you know, I don't really know what I'm talking about... :)
hey maurine,
WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME KNOW YOUR WERE BLOGGING TIL NOW!?!?! Well i must say that I either married lucky or trained my husband up right, maybe somewhere in the middle. Nathan is a morning person so on his mornings when he doesn't have to go into the office at 6 am he will wake the kids up, get them dressed for school and even make their lunches. He also makes dinner when he gets home from work. I know what you'r thinking, i'm completly spoiled but actually this is unwinding for him and is how he transitions from work to home. We also have to add in there that I am not the worlds best cook and nathan just might be. Also one thing that i do is try to take a 3 or 4 day girls weekend once a year. This gives nathan the full resposiblity of laundry, house, and 4 children for a long enough period of time that I am fully appreciated and sucked up to for a good month or so afterwards. It's so differant to be with them on your legs for 24 hours a day and I believe all men need to experiance that at least once a year. I am always so excited for that time to come too, it is so nice to have a recharging where you don't have to be a wife or mother. Just yourself. YAY FOR MAY!! I'm going to the beach w/o them all!!!!
In my defense, I just really started blogging two weeks ago. But I wouldn't mind a girl's weekend out. I sometimes think back on those good ole' beach trips we used to take as teenagers. But what I really want is a good ole' beach trip with my husband!!! Actually a couple of months ago Erick and I felt like we were on different errrr....wavelengths--not really connecting or spending enough time together. We both have busy callings, activities, friends, and hobbies, all which can pull us away from each other, and before you know it you're the classic two ships passing in the middle of the night. So we decided to make some goals as a couple to bring us back together and it's really worked. We wrote them down and hung them on our mirror. There are about eight in all, but a few of them are: Be supportive of the other on a rough day. Go on one date (at home or out) per week. Go on one family or couple trip per quarter (to give us something to look forward too!), and also, have hobbies and activities that the entire family can participate in. It has helped us make time to spend together, and realize that it really is important to do. And now that we've been following those goals, it just naturally happens a lot more anyways.
I'll second everything Katie said. :)
Maurine, I feel your pain on the whole "passing ships" thing. Glad you guys got things straightened out and that it worked. :) I'll have to try that....
Hi Maureen - I'm friends with Steph and decided to participate in this blog. It seems interesting.
I would have to say that I'm probably coming at this from a different perspective. For about 2 years I was a single mother. During this time, I had to go back to work. I assumed the roles of both provider and nurturer. I can't stress how difficult it was.
The moment I was separated, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of providing for my children. I knew that my (ex) husband would not be able to provide for me or my children. I also had a hunch, which was correct, that he would not want to do it either.
This feeling is distinctly different than the feeling that we mothers have about finances - while we are married to able men who are providing. What I experienced was the exact same burden every man feels when he enters into a marriage with a woman, and especially when he has a child. I realized that it was up to me to ensure that we had the basics - food, clothing, and shelter. This feeling was amazingly intense. It totally overwhelmed me.
In addition to the burden of providing for my children, I still had my natural desire to nurture them. I wanted to read with them, cook for them, make the house a home - as it were. These desires were maximized. A woman cannot make a home if there is no house in the first place.
Well...I'm not trying to complain, i just want to paint the situation as it was. Finally, i was blessed to have the opportunity to marry a man who DOES take seriously his responsibility to provide. In fact, he provides for me and my children. He assumes these responsibilities as if they were always his.
Generally, I do all the housework. He helps as he can. He does homework on occasion with the children. Luckily enough, he does not come home and tune out. He always participates. He truly leads and presides over our family - and he does this actively.
We are sure to counsel together once a week in a formal parental counsel. We share every burden with each other inasmuch as we are able to. We both know everything about finances, food storage, the needs of the children, etc. Although we are both aware of all of the needs, this doesn't mean we are putting in equal workload. I mean, I make all the meals. He makes the money. We are definitely doing different things, but they all add up to a whole.
Motherhood and the roles that are associated with it are very difficult. I know that we often feel like we don't have a "break" or "vacation." However, I just have to admit that I'm grateful to be able to focus solely on nurturing the family. It is a blessing to have dishes to wash - it means that I HAVE dishes. It is a blessing to make dinner - it means I HAVE a family (a hungry one!). It is a blessing to have these responsiblities and to know that I have a companion who has the same goals as me - and is also willing to work just as hard.
So - as far as domestic duties are concerned, I would say that i'm doing about 90% of them. I feel great about it. I'm kind of a control freak, anyways. My husband - he's doing about 90% of the financial duties. And together, we are dominating the faces of all of our domestic and financial duties!!!!
YAAAAAAAAYYYYYY CATANIA!!! This is why I love her!!! I have gone through these experiances with her and so happy that I have a personality to learn from others. She has made me such a better WIFE in respecting the mantel and pressure our husbands hold. I only know a few of us on this blog but the few I know are married to great men. And we all have moments where our "ships pass in the night." As long as we realize it and address I would say most of the time we end up better for it and a stronger unit on the other side. It is easy to get relaxed in a marriage as things just become comfortable. We need to realize that the Lord never wants us to become idol, especially in the relationships with our spouses because it is the most important one we will EVER have. (opoosed from with the lord) We are to continously work and unfortunately that means sometimes we pick up the slack, but they will be there for us in return. Not to throw in a dr. philism but "marriages are not 50/50 they are 100/100!!" I LOVE THAT QUOTE! Anyways, love this blog, it is so great to use brain function!
Amen Catania and Steph! I also agree that having a weekly counsel about the family and children with your husband is so important. On Sunday nights Erick and I always ask each other how we think our relationship is with each of our children (yes, even the baby), and what we can do to make it better. I think it helps you bring things up that you normally wouldn't talk about. And a lot of times it's only a five minute discussion. Other times it's longer, but it's good to keep things on the radar.
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