Most of us moms that read this are stay at home moms. So how do you feel about it? What is the best thing about it? What is the worst? Do you ever feel judged? Do you ever judge others? Do tell...
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Let's Discuss
Originally this blog was where my friends and I discussed fun questions, but now that I've run out of great questions, and there are people that want to know what's going on in our lives, I will be doing normal family post stuff. I will still have fun questions every now and then though.
7 comments:
I feel like I am judged quite often. i have been told while out with my kids that I should have learned my lesson the first time. I've also been asked if I was going to marry the father. My ring was around my neck due to swelling. I know that looking young is really a good thing but people are really rude about it. They are very quick to assume i was a young teen mom who just never learned to say no. Most of the time I love being at home with my kids. I'm entering a new phase now that i have found a little more difficult from when they were all little. When they are toddlers and do something naughty they are still just so cute. When they are older you just look at them and I know at least 30 times a day i just ask the question "why"? As they start being able to choose for themselves I would say 70% of the decisions they make baffle you. when your 2 year old writes on the wall and they have marker all over their arms and face you can't help but crack a smile. When your six year old writes their brothers name on the wall then remembers he cant write so starts writing their own name it makes you stand their and look at them and just ask why?and What are you thinking? not as cute at six i must say.
Anyways I'm becoming more afraid of motherhood as my kids get older and any mistake I've made a long the way is magnified in there little attitudes. I know that what we do in the homes is so important and it is the most rewarding job and hardest you can ever have. I just wish that it wasn't such a mirror to judge yourself in. For example, I love the word suck. Don't ask me why in philly where i gre up it is just used as a noun, verb, adjective or any other grammer term you can think of. Catania and I use to say all of the time when growing up that people, like our sex obsessed english teacher, was the suckiest sucker whoever sucked. Well, I still say it all the time. If I drop something, forget something, run out of something (you get the point) awwwww suck usually comes out of my mouth. Well now my kids while playing nintendo, asked to clean their rooms, told to get ready for church out of their mouths comes, yup you guessed it awwww suck! Needless to say I don't find the word so endearing anymore but have found after YEARS AND YEARS of using it i cannot get it out of my vocabulary. That is just one of many and I'm sure many more ways to come that I find motherhood hard. While hard it is also why we grow the most from it. It really makes us question ourselves on a daily basis and challenge ourselves to do better. I for one wouldn't have my life any other way and am grateful for my oppurtunity to stay at home with my 4 crazy kids and a husband who supports me in it!
I can't answer any of the questions for wondering about the dress and which princess you are? :-)
I have to say that the best and worst things about being a Stay-at home mom are flexibility.
I mean, being flexible is GREAT because i can fit things into the day. I can take a quick nap if I'm tired. I can run an errand - even if it isn't planned. You can't do these things with a rigid work schedule.
However, flexibility is also my BANE! I mean, how can i say no - I have "nothing else to do." ...
(hahaha).
Judging others/feeling judged. I haven't felt it too much. Maybe it's because I hang out with other stay at home moms.
To answer the question about the picture: Long story short. I visit taught a lady who wanted her four year old grand daughter to have tea with Cinderella. One day I went to do my visiting teacher and she said "has anyone ever told you how much you look like Cinderella" this picture and the events that followed was a result of that conversation.
I hate the words I am JUST a stay at home mom. with everything I do I dont think JUST explains it well enough I think on the go-cook it-clean it-wipe it-dry it-make it-decorate it-wrap it-add it-balance it- pay it-mail it- write it - fix it- hang it-kiss it- put a band aid on it-fold it-wash it-list it-buy it-phone it-sort it-reserve it-take a picture of it" mom is a much better description of my chosen career path.
Do I love it? Well almost every mintute, but I have my days. As far as judging, I think we all do that. thinking they are better or worst than me or something. Women are never happy with their own success.
Hmmm, now to actually answer the question....I feel great about being a stay at home mom. I never really thought about it when I was younger, never really thought about being one that is. But I really think it is my calling to raise these children. I love being there for everything and being the one to do it all! The thing I hate the most is that it's so hard to go anywhere that your kids don't want to go. If I want to go anywhere it takes a lot of time and prep to get everyone changed, fed, diapered, snacks ready, and in the car. I miss just being able to take off and do what I want to do. But usually Erick will watch the kids when I do have some errands to run or need a break, but sometimes I want more freedom.
But that desire pales in comparison to the joy I get from what I do now. I think I was more judged when I had Bryant and when I was pregnant with him because we had not been married long and because I was so young. People made comments, but I never questioned our decisions because we know what's right for us! But I do have to admit that I have been judgmental of others before. I try not to be because you never know what other people's lives are like no matter how well you think you know them, but I ache for kids that have to go to daycare. There, I said it. But that's how I feel. And I understand that some people don't have a choice, but there are some people that could stay home with there kids.
I saw a TV show called "Friday Night Lights" I've only seen about fifteen minutes of the show,so I don't know much about it, but the mom on the show was trying to decide whether to put her new baby in daycare. After a lot of thought, her husband finally told her to get over it and put the child in day care. He said that it's normal to not want to, but that she would adjust and that her career was too important. I don't know why, but it made me so emotional to see that because I was like, she feels that way because it's our natural instincts to want to raise our children! She feels that way because she is denying her destiny of motherhood (melodromatic no?).
Anyways, after I saw that I had to go upstairs and I took my sleeping Cora into my arms and just rocked her until I felt all better. I also know what it's like to want to have a career and I plan on having one someday, but I'm going to stick with the kid thing for now!
Hey maurine,
I totally agree with you on the day care front. I had a converation with my neighbor about it when nathan was out of work last year. She told me that I should go get a job until nathan found one.
Well... we were going to be ok for awhile and my baby was only 6 months old. I told there was no way that I could do it, that I would never forgive myself for anything i missed. She told me that she wanted to be there for her kids to but you eventually just need to grow up and do whats best for the family.
I was mad, all of a sudden being a stay at home mom wasn't something grown ups do?!?!? Well after feeling very judged for my decision I did the grown up thing and thought of my millions of judgements I had on her. That she didn't have to have a house bigger than mine with only half the children and a new suv and a new ford f150. She didn't have to go out and buy her son a prize just for saying thank you. Or for going to the bathrrom by himself at 5 years old.
I was grown up enough to at least end the conversation and not share my thoughts but I am definitly guilty of this judgement. Now i do respect the single moms or few family's who have no choice in the matter. What really bothers me is when the desire to "have" overcomes the desire to nurture. I feel like the decision to stay at home is the most "grown up" decision you can make. It takes so much sacrifice of your time, the nice things you might like to have, any career or schooling you'd like to pursue and of course just any natural freedom you take advantage of pre-kids, like going to the bathroom.
It always makes me sad when i see people make that decision for their kids. They grow up so fast and you miss it soooooo much when they aren't so young and innocent anymore. Anyways I gotta go clean my bathroom. YAY!! see ya
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