Marriage Advice for a sister who is about to be wedded (and anyone else who dares upon this post, but hey, I warned ya!).

My little sister Emma is getting married. So of course I need to give her tons of advice as to how she should live her life, and about every little thing she should do. What a great idea for a post! So here goes, Emma, though you left my house a mere 20 minutes ago, this post is dedicated to you and anyone else that happens to read this. Here is my advice for making a successful marriage, and if there is one thing I have, I'll be honest, it is a successful marriage. It's not something I regularly talk about or mention ("by the way...did you know how awesome my marriage is?"), because it's not something that comes into regular convo very often, but by golly, I'm trying to post something everyday so as I dive to the recesses of my mind to dig up topics, this is one that was bound to be touched upon.

What makes a successful marriage? Well, for starters, Erick and I were married about 7 and a half years ago, and we loved each other then and still do now, but more. In psychology it's well known that couples experience a lack in happiness during their years of active parenting, but we just think that's dumb. Our lives have only been enriched and fulfilled by having children. But, back to the marriage part. Why have Erick and I been able to increase in happiness and love over the years? Well, I could type page after page of specific traits and advice and on and on and on, but there is really only one thing you need....and no, it's not awesome friends, sisters, parents or anyone else to ask for advice (ha ha, yes, I can taste the irony).

Any two people that are humbly living the gospel are going to be just fine. If you are living the gospel to its fullest extent, and have a real relationship with God, you'll have the companionship of the Holy Ghost, and you will receive promptings, guidance, and all of the advice you could ever need. You'll learn lessons intended for you in everything that you do. You'll know when you need to say you're sorry, you'll know when you've gone too far. You'll know when you're partner just needs a night out, and you'll know when they need a night in. Over time you'll learn what makes them feel special and you'll be happy because they are happy. Yes, studying the scriptures and prayer will be you're greatest friends because they help make you sensitive to the promptings that lead you to serve your family and spouse, and the patience you need to do so.

I think reflecting upon the Savior and his teachings throughout the day helps keep me calm and ready to handle the challenges that do inherently come with the joys of motherhood and being a wife. And there will be many, many challenges. The cool thing is; we were meant to have challenges. If you remember back to Mosiah 3:19 and scan down a little it says that we should become like a child: "submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him..." That strikes me as an amazing concept "...the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him..." To me that says that we QUALIFY for the challenges we receive (note: by disobediance, selfishness, etc. you can of course inflict trials upon yourself, and you will, but I'm not talking about that.) and that the Lord thinks we are READY for our challenges. That says to me that we can always be made STRONGER through our challenges, and this is the truth. So certainly don't ask for trials, because they'll come, but don't feel sorry for yourself, and don't complain about them either, because if you handle them with grace, humbleness and the other things the scripture talks about, you'll be blessed and made stronger.

Okay, now, I will indulge you in just a handful of specific things Erick and I have done that I think really have helped our marriage succeed.

1. We never say no. Whatever the other person wants, no matter what it is, we always say yes. I want a new dress? Sure. Erick wants a ANOTHER truck? You bet! What the heck, right? Erick might have had to wait for five years, and we have a rule that we pay in cash, but yes, he got his THIRD truck two week ago. I made my SIXTH trip to Harris Teeter in one week, but it's what I felt like I needed to do (and it's not that often that I do that), and Erick doesn't question it. We just let eachother do our thing and don't judge. We trust each other to want and buy things that we need and not go crazy and it's worked.

2. We don't make fun of one another/joke about one another/humiliate one another EVER.

3. We don't tell each other what to do unless we feel specifically prompted to do so. Seriously, who likes to be told what to do? Um, nobody. Don't do it. I've found that Erick in particular does not like to be told what to do, and God is pretty good at teaching him a hard lesson when necessary. I leave it between them. And, Erick thank goodness leaves it to me and my relationship with God when I need correction. There have been a few RARE occasions when one of us or the other has had to straighten the other out, but it has only been after sincere thought and prayer into the matter, and especially out of LOVE. If your spouse is struggling they need your unconditional love and your listening ear, and your patience.

4. Keep it in the triangle. If you and your spouse have an argument keep it between you, your spouse, and God. Sometimes it might feel really good to vent to a friend, or parent, but they are not there when you kiss and make up, and might have lingering resentment towards your spouse when you don't. There may be times when you do need external advice or help, but those times that you need to go outside of your marriage for help will not be very often. We've asked our parents for advice sometimes before making big financial decisions or things like that, but not when we're in the middle of a big argument!

In conclusion...boy Maurine, you sure think you're so perfect don't you? Sounds like it anyway. Well, I've been on both sides of this advice. There have been times when I've followed it and been blessed beyond measure and other times when I haven't and have suffered consequences, but it doesn't change the fact that these little tidbits will get you through the thick and thin.

Also, you may be thinking, what the heck are you talking about? Who the heck is Mosiah and what is the "gospel"? If you are thinking this and want to know what I'm talking about and about my church, just ask/message/email/whatever, and I'll be happy to answer your questions.